The World Will Be Going Offline Today From 12pm -1pm. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.
Earth Guardians will be recalibrating the axis and tweeking the magnetic poles. Heavy downloading of the revolution by insurgents has created an imbalance.
Earth WILL be back online at 1pm, so please do not panic and call your service provider.
I GUARANTEE you will be on hold longer than it takes to do this complete earth overhaul.
This might be a good time to reacquaint yourself with the sun, family, friends, and anyone affected by your obsessive dependence on technology.
Others who know the risks of this scheduled earth maintenance, please retreat to your pods (sponsored by Tide)