Total Pageviews

Monday, January 22, 2018

26 Reasons You Want to Go to Jail in Norway

Norwegian maximum-security prisons are being called "cushy", "luxurious" and "like camp". Inmates are free to roam outdoor gardens, cook in fully stocked kitchens, enjoy the flat-screen televisions, mini-fridges and computers in each cell. 

They have access to a rock climbing wall, recording studio and other amenities rivaling an expensive American hotel. Murder? Rape? Bombing? your punishment is to fish and great a great tan on our beach! 

1.Prison riots involve playful pillow fights

2.Low recidivism rate of Norwegian inmates raises odds of American tourists getting off the waitlist

3.Get henna tattoos

4.Get in the best shape of your life without country club fees

5.Launder your high thread count sheets and thirsty towels

6.Demand heated toilet seats be fixed on feedback forms

7.Leave prison with more career skills than an Ivy League graduate

8.Lockdown means the snack cabinet is padlocked after 9pm

9.The only handcuffs are fuzzy ones in the romantic getaway chalet

10.Rigorous schedule for rapists to practice consensual sex

11.The only penalties are breaking a pinky swear

12.Audition for prison plays like “Jailhouse Rock” and “West Side Story”

13.Earn merit badges for serving soft time

14.No need to join, you're already one of the gang

15.Soap on a rope is Coconut Salt Scrub and an exfoliating body brush

16.Climb walls for fun without risk of rope burn from escape attempts

17.Kids go home after visits giving you time to catch up on reading

18.Get dessert if you eat all of your broccoli

19.Fishing, swimming and laying on the beach gives you plenty of time to think about what you’ve done

20.Earn privileges by saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’

21.No gangs just teams on game night

22.Airbnb your room to people trying to break in

23.The only life sentences are the ones you solve on Wheel of Fortune

24.Bed checks have turndown service

25.The only weapons are irresistible charm and pouting

26.Get great selfies while having tea in the garden

27.Attend festive going away parties on release dates

28.Receive parting gifts like a t-shirt that says “I survived maximum-security prison and I can make a mean souffle!”

No comments:

Post a Comment

Spare the aliens a brain hack- Just say what's on your mind!