26 Reasons You Want to Go to Jail in Norway

Norwegian maximum-security prisons are being called "cushy", "luxurious" and "like camp". Inmates are free to roam outdoor gardens, cook in fully stocked kitchens, enjoy the flat-screen televisions, mini-fridges and computers in each cell. 

They have access to a rock climbing wall, recording studio and other amenities rivaling an expensive American hotel. Murder? Rape? Bombing? your punishment is to fish and great a great tan on our beach! 

(https://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/29/maga ... rison.html)
(https://www.theguardian.com/society/201 ... n-in-world

Here are 26 Reasons You Want to Go to Jail in Norway

1.Prison riots involve playful pillow fights

2.Low recidivism rate of Norwegian inmates raises odds of American tourists getting off the waitlist

3.Get henna tattoos

4.Get in the best shape of your life without country club fees

5.Launder your high thread count sheets and thirsty towels

6.Demand heated toilet seats be fixed on feedback forms

7.Leave prison with more career skills than an Ivy League graduate

8.Lockdown means the snack cabinet is padlocked after 9pm

9.The only handcuffs are fuzzy ones in the romantic getaway chalet

10.Rigorous schedule for rapists to practice consensual sex

11.The only penalties are breaking a pinky swear

12.Audition for prison plays like “Jailhouse Rock” and “West Side Story”

13.Earn merit badges for serving soft time

14.No need to join, you're already one of the gang

15.Soap on a rope is Coconut Salt Scrub and an exfoliating body brush

16.Climb walls for fun without risk of rope burn from escape attempts

17.Kids go home after visits giving you time to catch up on reading

18.Get dessert if you eat all of your broccoli

19.Fishing, swimming and laying on the beach gives you plenty of time to think about what you’ve done

20.Earn privileges by saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’

21.No gangs just teams on game night

22.Airbnb your room to people trying to break in

23.The only life sentences are the ones you solve on Wheel of Fortune

24.Bed checks have turndown service

25.The only weapons are irresistible charm and pouting

26.Get great selfies while having tea in the garden

27.Attend festive going away parties on release dates

28.Receive parting gifts like a t-shirt that says “I survived maximum-security prison and I can make a mean souffle!”

Vigilante Dolphins "Taking out the Trash"

Military or "combat" dolphins were trained by the US Navy for military purposes. Underestimating their intelligence and commitment to their pods has proved deadly. Dolphins joined forces with each other and formed the rebel group "Dolphin Vigilante & Justice League".

Shark attacks are on the rise because sharks are the primary target of dolphins "death-ray" sonic bursts. In an effort to rid the seas of "the disposable scum element" as they call it.  DHN Channel 5 obtained this rare interview with Marine Sergeant Flapper, "We have taken matters into our own hands and have decided to rid the seas, and world in general, of the slippery bottom feeding dregs of society. "

Flapper stated, "These are mammals who will not be missed by anyone and serve no purpose other than to terrorize animals and people. They bullied the whales so badly that many left the planet.They might be big, but they are very sensitive about their weight. They were teased mercilessly."
 

"Words DO hurt. I'd rather be speared than hear, "Hey Flubber Butt, whatcha been eating--Blubber nuggets? "

"We reserve our death ray for only the worst of the worst. PETA were on our case so we had to deal with them as saboteurs of justice. "

"Some are still in underwater caves and reefs with scuba gear. We wanted to show them the underwater war happening while an unsuspectling public suns themselves and surf. The only clue they have is sharks sneaking up on them and eating them strictly for the sport of it. They don't actually LIKE the taste of human."

The U.S. Navy trained the dolphins as well as CA sea lions and bottlenose dolphins—to find and retrieve equipment lost at sea and to identify intruders swimming into restricted areas. The dolphins are also used to detect underwater mines, either buried in the seafloor or floating from an anchor.
 

.http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2014/03/140328-navy-dolphin-sea-lion-combat-ocean-animal-science/

 

The dolpins keep a low profile, but if you would like to get involved, please contact:

vigilanteflippers@takinoutthetrash.com