Vigilante Dolphins "Taking out the Trash"

Military or "combat" dolphins were trained by the US Navy for military purposes. Underestimating their intelligence and commitment to their pods has proved deadly. Dolphins joined forces with each other and formed the rebel group "Dolphin Vigilante & Justice League".

Shark attacks are on the rise because sharks are the primary target of dolphins "death-ray" sonic bursts. In an effort to rid the seas of "the disposable scum element" as they call it.  DHN Channel 5 obtained this rare interview with Marine Sergeant Flapper, "We have taken matters into our own hands and have decided to rid the seas, and world in general, of the slippery bottom feeding dregs of society. "

Flapper stated, "These are mammals who will not be missed by anyone and serve no purpose other than to terrorize animals and people. They bullied the whales so badly that many left the planet.They might be big, but they are very sensitive about their weight. They were teased mercilessly."
 

"Words DO hurt. I'd rather be speared than hear, "Hey Flubber Butt, whatcha been eating--Blubber nuggets? "

"We reserve our death ray for only the worst of the worst. PETA were on our case so we had to deal with them as saboteurs of justice. "

"Some are still in underwater caves and reefs with scuba gear. We wanted to show them the underwater war happening while an unsuspectling public suns themselves and surf. The only clue they have is sharks sneaking up on them and eating them strictly for the sport of it. They don't actually LIKE the taste of human."

The U.S. Navy trained the dolphins as well as CA sea lions and bottlenose dolphins—to find and retrieve equipment lost at sea and to identify intruders swimming into restricted areas. The dolphins are also used to detect underwater mines, either buried in the seafloor or floating from an anchor.
 

.http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2014/03/140328-navy-dolphin-sea-lion-combat-ocean-animal-science/

 

The dolpins keep a low profile, but if you would like to get involved, please contact:

vigilanteflippers@takinoutthetrash.com

The World According to a Nice-ish Guy (PART TWO)

For those of you that didn't read PART ONE of this TWOish PART series, this is a piece about the male perspective. I found some self-identified  "nice guys" and grilled them with  carefully crafted questions.

Let me start with the NG (Nice-ish Guy)  who said, "I'm an asshole when it comes to questionnaires." He did manage to give me some very brief answers to my probing interrogation. It isn't really important that you know the questions, since his answers are all either YES, NO, MAYBE or a combination of the three. He says, " A circular mind is better than a linear mind in this case." I really thought I should just stop this whole charade there, but how fun would that be?

Many men disqualified themselves immediately by honestly declaring themselves assholes, and I took others complete silence as an admission of the same. I tend to believe them, afterall who would lie about a thing like that?

One went so far as to say, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not a nice guy. I would kill all of my neighbors if it weren't for consequences." But my question is, are the neighbors assholes? Would it be a public service?  No one can tell me they didn't take some pleasure in seeing Dexter killing all those scumbags. Of course we are not condoning violence or anything illegal of any kind, but I think Dexter would probably call himself a NG at the end of the day.

For anyone lamenting "Where are all the nice guys?" I say, expand your mind to include the NG Continuum--move that slider down.  Oh, and read what (some) men REALLY think and not what you WANT them to think. If you are disappointed with their answers, please handle it privately because they don't want to hear that crap (no one said that, that's just what I think). 

These are the questions followed by a compilation of all NG answers: 

1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
2. Do you think most men are pigs?
3. Do you resent or think most women like to date jerks?
4. Do you feel nice guys are taken advantage of?
5. Do you think it is better to be nice, or would you rather be a dick?
6. Would other people agree that you are a nice guy?
7. Would you rather be respected or liked?
8. Are you drawn to bitches and un-nice women?
9. Do you equate or think people take niceness for weakness?
10. Any other thoughts you would like to share (but please keep it brief)
    
    
    1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
     (a)Yes, I DO believe nice guys finish last, especially in business. In smaller communities though, the nice guy has an advantage in terms of business.  The smaller the community the nicer you need to be to succeed in business, and with relationships as well.
    (b)Sometimes they finish in the middle.
    (c) Yes, because they are self-pitying assholes.
    (d)Maybe as the world perceives it. We are kind and look for the best in people first, which makes us easier to take advantage of. That part sucks, but in the end we have good karma.
    (e) (Subject E chose to answer the questions pretending that he was Hamlet) "A little more than kin, and less than kind."
    (f)YES NO
    (g)Nice guys usually finish last
    (h) NO
    
    

    
    2. Do you think most men are pigs?
    (a) absolutely
    (b) I believe a majority of men are pigs in regard to respect & loyalty to women. Usually the ones who put on a show and act all pious are the ones who stray the most. 
    (c) I think men are men, not pigs or cows or chickens.
    (d) No, but most of us are.
    (e)Pig is being used as a metaphor here so this is hard to answer. As a force of nature, most men will fuck as many women as they can get. They are kinkier than they admit and I think men cheat more than women.
    (f)MAYBE
    (g)O What a rogue and peasant slave am I!
    (h) No. There are truly nice guys out there, but they would never tell anyone they're a nice guy. People would just know.
    
    
    More amazing answers in PART THREE in this TWOish PART series!  Stay Two-ed!!