The World According to the Nice-ish Guy PART III

This is Part III  in a series on the male perspective from a group of hand-selected, self-identified Nice-ish guys. (Nice-ish means they are on the Nice to Asshole (their words not mine) continuum).

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These are the in-depth questions I asked them:

1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
2. Do you think most men are pigs?
3. Do you resent or think most women like to date jerks?
4. Do you feel nice guys are taken advantage of?
5. Do you think it is better to be nice, or would you rather be a dick?
6. Would other people agree that you are a nice guy?
7. Would you rather be respected or liked?
8. Are you drawn to bitches and un-nice women?
9. Do you equate or think people take niceness for weakness?
10. Any other thoughts you would like to share (but please keep it brief)
    
    (Answers to the first two questions are the subject in Part II of this series.)
    
    

    

    
    
     3. Do you resent or think most women like to date jerks? 
    
    a) No, but most of us are
    
    b) No, I don't resent women, but I do believe a lot of women seem to seek out the 'bad boy', then ask Why? when it falls apart. I've found women say , "You're really nice, but I need something else." When you act evasive and non-committal, women seem to chase you.  The female ego looking to reassure themselves they are valued and desired; esp. mid 30s and divorced women.
    
    c) "And what so poor a man as Hamlet is may do, to express his love and friending to you, God willing, shall not lack."
    
    d)I don't care what most women do; I'm interested in a very small percentage of them.
    
    e)I resent women who try to use sex/love/attraction to get what they want. Jerks keep women entertained. Nice can be predictable. I think women bore of nice guys. They like "bad boys" because regular guys bore chix.
    f)Women are as different as plants, no two are the same. What they are attracted to varies by individual.
    g)YES NO
    
     4. Do you feel nice guys are taken advantage of?
    
    a)Yes. By Women Especially and life to a lesser degree
    
    b)Nice guys are taken advantage of because they allow it
    
    c) nice guys are players only they try to pull women in by getting them to feel sorry for them.  They let themselves get taken advantage of hoping they can create guilt and pity
    
    d)yes, we just want to have fun too
    
    e) People DO take advantage of nice guyz so it's wise to keep an open mind to peoples' motives. Women love nice guys as emotional support and unwittingly lead them on to keep them interest enough to stay around, but still keep them at arms length
    
    5. Do you think it is better to be nice, or would you rather be a dick?
    
    a) Usually NG overlook the B.S. until they can't take it anymore and then have to become a dick
    
    b)I'd rather be nice. Dicks attract dicks
    
    c)be nice
    
    d)I think it is best to be a bit of both
    
    e)I'd rather be myself. How I react to people varies from person to person
    
     6. Would other people agree that you are a nice guy?
    
    a)50/50. I call people on bullshit so...
    
    b)Most would agree I'm nice, but people who cross me or my family or bully people I know wouldn't say so. I can be nice, but I'm not weak
    
    c)No
    
    d)The people that really know me think I'm a nice guy. I'm too odd/honest for many people sometimes so I might seem like a dick, aloof, or just too weird
    
    e)Some people think I'm nice, some people think I'm an asshole. Most likely people would have various takes on me. Our interactions differ from person to person
    
    P.S. Hamlet dropped out of this survey by this point--just after question 2B 
    
     7. Would you rather be respected or liked?
    
    a) Respected. I really don't think about what others think. I don't care really, but I can say there are people who think I'm an asshole, but still respect me
    
    b)Respected. Respect is earned based on actions. Liked is based usually on persona. Reputation, community,  work place standing, and reputations are made of a 100 rumors and one lie. People who like you may do so for their own personal gain
    
    c)Respected  R-E-S-P-E-C-T
    
    d)Respected
    
    e)Respected
    
    8. Are you drawn to bitches or Nice-ish women?
    
    a)no. I avoid drama queens, people who exhibit narcissistic behavior, and people with borderline tendencies
    
    b)I seem to, but made a conscious decision to base attraction on the contents of heart and mind, not what's contained in bra and knickers. I've found the vain, attractive (in my younger years) women tend to base their self worth on looks, so they can be spiteful to other women they see as a threat. They usually have no substance
    
    c)yup
    
    d)not particularly
    
    e)Naw, but I'm a magnet for bitches and whores
    
    9. Do you equate or think people take niceness for weakness?
    
    a) The world we live in, yes!
    
    b)yes. People see niceness as a weakness, but I find it to be a great strength in the face of evil. To break the cycle of revenge takes great courage and conviction. Doing the right thing can be hard
    
    c)Niceness and weakness are two different things. They are not related to each other
    d)Sometimes yes. People confuse having boundaries with being a dick. My lens might be bad though. My wife used to complain she thought I was a dick, but the nicer I became, the bitchier SHE became toward ME. Nice didn't work fo her. Women say they want nice guys but seem to ultimately want a hot exciting guy. That seems to be first priority followed by money, then love and trust. A powerful charismatic guy trumps the nicest average guy in the wold. Woman who say they prefer the nice guy only say that because they don't think they can pull the hot guy 
    
    e)yes
    
    10. Any other thoughts you would like to share (but please keep it brief)
    
    a)Please be kind and remember to rewind!
    
    b)Guys who say they are nice are usually manipulative by nature. I don't know a SINGLE nice guy who would say he is nice. Nice people don't think that way or need that kind of feedback
    
    A final contributor had this to say on the topic in general:
    
    "I am a human being of the male persuasion."
     
     
    
    
     
    
    
    
    
    
    

The World According to a Nice-ish Guy (PART TWO)

For those of you that didn't read PART ONE of this TWOish PART series, this is a piece about the male perspective. I found some self-identified  "nice guys" and grilled them with  carefully crafted questions.

Let me start with the NG (Nice-ish Guy)  who said, "I'm an asshole when it comes to questionnaires." He did manage to give me some very brief answers to my probing interrogation. It isn't really important that you know the questions, since his answers are all either YES, NO, MAYBE or a combination of the three. He says, " A circular mind is better than a linear mind in this case." I really thought I should just stop this whole charade there, but how fun would that be?

Many men disqualified themselves immediately by honestly declaring themselves assholes, and I took others complete silence as an admission of the same. I tend to believe them, afterall who would lie about a thing like that?

One went so far as to say, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not a nice guy. I would kill all of my neighbors if it weren't for consequences." But my question is, are the neighbors assholes? Would it be a public service?  No one can tell me they didn't take some pleasure in seeing Dexter killing all those scumbags. Of course we are not condoning violence or anything illegal of any kind, but I think Dexter would probably call himself a NG at the end of the day.

For anyone lamenting "Where are all the nice guys?" I say, expand your mind to include the NG Continuum--move that slider down.  Oh, and read what (some) men REALLY think and not what you WANT them to think. If you are disappointed with their answers, please handle it privately because they don't want to hear that crap (no one said that, that's just what I think). 

These are the questions followed by a compilation of all NG answers: 

1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
2. Do you think most men are pigs?
3. Do you resent or think most women like to date jerks?
4. Do you feel nice guys are taken advantage of?
5. Do you think it is better to be nice, or would you rather be a dick?
6. Would other people agree that you are a nice guy?
7. Would you rather be respected or liked?
8. Are you drawn to bitches and un-nice women?
9. Do you equate or think people take niceness for weakness?
10. Any other thoughts you would like to share (but please keep it brief)
    
    
    1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
     (a)Yes, I DO believe nice guys finish last, especially in business. In smaller communities though, the nice guy has an advantage in terms of business.  The smaller the community the nicer you need to be to succeed in business, and with relationships as well.
    (b)Sometimes they finish in the middle.
    (c) Yes, because they are self-pitying assholes.
    (d)Maybe as the world perceives it. We are kind and look for the best in people first, which makes us easier to take advantage of. That part sucks, but in the end we have good karma.
    (e) (Subject E chose to answer the questions pretending that he was Hamlet) "A little more than kin, and less than kind."
    (f)YES NO
    (g)Nice guys usually finish last
    (h) NO
    
    

    
    2. Do you think most men are pigs?
    (a) absolutely
    (b) I believe a majority of men are pigs in regard to respect & loyalty to women. Usually the ones who put on a show and act all pious are the ones who stray the most. 
    (c) I think men are men, not pigs or cows or chickens.
    (d) No, but most of us are.
    (e)Pig is being used as a metaphor here so this is hard to answer. As a force of nature, most men will fuck as many women as they can get. They are kinkier than they admit and I think men cheat more than women.
    (f)MAYBE
    (g)O What a rogue and peasant slave am I!
    (h) No. There are truly nice guys out there, but they would never tell anyone they're a nice guy. People would just know.
    
    
    More amazing answers in PART THREE in this TWOish PART series!  Stay Two-ed!!

The World According to a Nice-ish Guy (PART ONE)

Why do women (or those in relationships with men) spend hours trying to pry things out of men, when they are sure they already know what they are thinking? They like to TELL them what they are thinking, but if they don't KNOW, then I don't think the men should tell them. They SHOULD, however, tell ME because I asked nicely.

I spent a lot of time and money in my quest to find some self-identified "nice guys". I asked them to complete my in-depth questionnaire, and this (TWO PART) Article is the result.

I can not confirm the validity of their nice guy status except to post their thoughtful answers to my thoughtless questionnaire in a pure and uncensored fashion.

 I realized, however, that my survey was flawed.  Many men were not entirely comfortable with the 'nice guy' label (heretofore NG), so I am expanding it to be on a " Nice to Asshole" (their word not mine)Continuum.

 **Digression sparked by this need for the creation of continuums:

As the world shifts, people are becoming less tolerant of limiting labels.  95% of life exists in the grey area, yet society keeps insisting on duality; black/white, straight/gay, married/single, etc.  I say NO more 'check the box'-- we need gauges or graphs like this:

or this:

Homosexuality is STILL punishable by death in the majority of Muslim countries! As a result, many on the gender spectrum are opting for reassignment surgery so they can live without fear of being put to death.

Historically, other cultures have always recognized more than two genders.The people of Samoa have a third gender of people they call Fa'afafine. These are males raised as female. The Navajo believe in four different genders:

So, back to the subject: this is a copy of the questions I asked the nice-ish guys.

1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
2. Do you think most men are pigs?
3. Do you resent or think most women like to date jerks?
4. Do you feel nice guys are taken advantage of?
5. Do you think it is better to be nice, or would you rather be a dick?
6. Would other people agree that you are a nice guy?
7. Would you rather be respected or liked?
8. Are you drawn to bitches and un-nice women?
9. Do you equate or think people take niceness for weakness?
10. Any other thoughts you would like to share (but please keep it brief) 
    
    Their shocking and candid answers are in PART TWO of this TWO PART series!