Dating Bad....

Looking for a BAD BOY a.k.a. Alpha Male to hunt you some wild boar?

 The more things change, the more they stay the same. 

Cave women and berry hunters, dominant men might be all wrong for you, but you just KNOW you can transform Mr. Wrong into Mr. Right right?

Grind away at that lump of coal and in a couple of decades you might have a cubic zirconia!!

At ECONmony, you can find your perfectly wrong match with the con-man of your bad dreams. 

After all, what is better than a bad boy? a REFORMED bad boy!!

You will have hours of fun changing him into the law abiding, supportive, teddy bear of a man  you know he is under all that mean, coldness, and selfishness!

Men like project cars, women like project men!

Meet your fears, disappointments, frustrations, dashed hopes and expectations at E CONmony!

Get started now. A brief 3 question survey is all we need to match you with someone completely inappropriate for you on all levels!!

Let the fun begin!!!

Conversation Starters for the Socially Challenged

Do you freeze up and get fuddle-tongued when talking to the opposite sex?  Here are some sure fire ways to get a conversation going.

You ask, "Do you believe in unicorns?"
If they say 'yes' you say, "Me too! I saw one once."
If they say ' no ' you still say, "Me too! I saw one once."

Here is another conversation stimulator:

WARNING: contains sexual language and poor taste

You say, "Do you believe the man should pay or should they go Dutch?"
They say, "Yes, definately. "
You say, "Me too!"
If they say no you say, "I think if a woman pays for herself, she should agree to only suck half his dick."

If you have your eyes set on a trophy wife or husband, this script will get you to the finish line at Olympic speed:

You say, "Hi. I might be ugly, but I'm really rich and powerful."
They say, "I'm in."

You say, "Awesome,I have about 10 weddings and a class reunion coming up. You can be my plus one!"
They say, "Awesome, I love wedding chicken."

OR

You say, "Hi. I might be ugly, but I'm really rich and powerful."
They say, "No amount of money could make you appealing."

You say, "See you on the pole bitch." if female,

OR

 "Barbie called, she wants her Ken back--  dick"
if male

So for all you undateables out there, keep these gems in your wallet or purse.
 Practice until you sound natural.
Don't worry if you don't read the script verbatim.
Feel free to improvise.
Most importantly:   DON'T BE YOURSELF !!!!!!! YOU CAN DO THAT LATER ONCE YOU HOOK THEM~~~

More tips and tricks on the way soon!!!!

Single? Lonely? Not As Much As You Think!

Psychics have been asked for centuries, "When will I meet THE one?" Many psychics assure them that there is someone for everyone and that they will definately NOT be alone.

Months and months go by and they have not found anyone special.  

How do you tell them the truth?

By truth I do NOT mean that they are destined to be alone!!!

The TRUTH is that quite often someone who is 'single' is actually in a relationship with a being on another planet!!

Mr. & Mrs Right ? Travel through white light?

9 out of 10 times this is the case. Often these are very sacred relationships that may or may not involve actual marriage, depending on the laws of their home planet.

But Some people continue to be caught in the trap of picking the 'bad boys' or 'bad girls' , but the appeal is a LOT harder to  find.

Bad News--Bust Out E.T. Loser

How to know if you are dating an E.T.? 

1. You have never been married and have no kids
2. Your skin glows a light shade of green under black light
3. You wake up in the middle of the night, often at one hour intervals
4. You sometimes wake up feeling a deep connection to someone you dreamed about 
5. you sometimes feel pregnant when you know you aren't

 These COULD be your inlaws!But don't worry--star inlaws tend to give people their space.

What does this also mean? Yes, you most likely have MULTIPLE children on your true loves' planet!This is in part so that the children have dual-citizenship.

Mom?

WARNING:  The following photos MAY trigger memories that you may not be ready to deal with.

 If you have a strong reaction to any of these images, you are probably a CPS: Cross-Planetary Spouse.

(Hetero and Homosexual are not categories recognized by most other androgynous planets)

Lunchtime Rendevous

I really don't know what i did wrong!

Sweeps you off your feet

Looks at you with those intense eyes

So what do you tell friends and family? Just tell them you are in a long distance relationship with someone who travels a lot.

Your partner most likely has shapeshifting abilities, so can take human form when neccesary, but they tend to be shy around humans.

So check that 'in a relationship' box on Facebook and have a happily ever after!

Hula Man Reviews the Music

The World According to a Nice-ish Guy (PART TWO)

For those of you that didn't read PART ONE of this TWOish PART series, this is a piece about the male perspective. I found some self-identified  "nice guys" and grilled them with  carefully crafted questions.

Let me start with the NG (Nice-ish Guy)  who said, "I'm an asshole when it comes to questionnaires." He did manage to give me some very brief answers to my probing interrogation. It isn't really important that you know the questions, since his answers are all either YES, NO, MAYBE or a combination of the three. He says, " A circular mind is better than a linear mind in this case." I really thought I should just stop this whole charade there, but how fun would that be?

Many men disqualified themselves immediately by honestly declaring themselves assholes, and I took others complete silence as an admission of the same. I tend to believe them, afterall who would lie about a thing like that?

One went so far as to say, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not a nice guy. I would kill all of my neighbors if it weren't for consequences." But my question is, are the neighbors assholes? Would it be a public service?  No one can tell me they didn't take some pleasure in seeing Dexter killing all those scumbags. Of course we are not condoning violence or anything illegal of any kind, but I think Dexter would probably call himself a NG at the end of the day.

For anyone lamenting "Where are all the nice guys?" I say, expand your mind to include the NG Continuum--move that slider down.  Oh, and read what (some) men REALLY think and not what you WANT them to think. If you are disappointed with their answers, please handle it privately because they don't want to hear that crap (no one said that, that's just what I think). 

These are the questions followed by a compilation of all NG answers: 

1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
2. Do you think most men are pigs?
3. Do you resent or think most women like to date jerks?
4. Do you feel nice guys are taken advantage of?
5. Do you think it is better to be nice, or would you rather be a dick?
6. Would other people agree that you are a nice guy?
7. Would you rather be respected or liked?
8. Are you drawn to bitches and un-nice women?
9. Do you equate or think people take niceness for weakness?
10. Any other thoughts you would like to share (but please keep it brief)
    
    
    1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
     (a)Yes, I DO believe nice guys finish last, especially in business. In smaller communities though, the nice guy has an advantage in terms of business.  The smaller the community the nicer you need to be to succeed in business, and with relationships as well.
    (b)Sometimes they finish in the middle.
    (c) Yes, because they are self-pitying assholes.
    (d)Maybe as the world perceives it. We are kind and look for the best in people first, which makes us easier to take advantage of. That part sucks, but in the end we have good karma.
    (e) (Subject E chose to answer the questions pretending that he was Hamlet) "A little more than kin, and less than kind."
    (f)YES NO
    (g)Nice guys usually finish last
    (h) NO
    
    

    
    2. Do you think most men are pigs?
    (a) absolutely
    (b) I believe a majority of men are pigs in regard to respect & loyalty to women. Usually the ones who put on a show and act all pious are the ones who stray the most. 
    (c) I think men are men, not pigs or cows or chickens.
    (d) No, but most of us are.
    (e)Pig is being used as a metaphor here so this is hard to answer. As a force of nature, most men will fuck as many women as they can get. They are kinkier than they admit and I think men cheat more than women.
    (f)MAYBE
    (g)O What a rogue and peasant slave am I!
    (h) No. There are truly nice guys out there, but they would never tell anyone they're a nice guy. People would just know.
    
    
    More amazing answers in PART THREE in this TWOish PART series!  Stay Two-ed!!