Single? Lonely? Not As Much As You Think!

Psychics have been asked for centuries, "When will I meet THE one?" Many psychics assure them that there is someone for everyone and that they will definately NOT be alone.

Months and months go by and they have not found anyone special.  

How do you tell them the truth?

By truth I do NOT mean that they are destined to be alone!!!

The TRUTH is that quite often someone who is 'single' is actually in a relationship with a being on another planet!!

Mr. & Mrs Right ? Travel through white light?

9 out of 10 times this is the case. Often these are very sacred relationships that may or may not involve actual marriage, depending on the laws of their home planet.

But Some people continue to be caught in the trap of picking the 'bad boys' or 'bad girls' , but the appeal is a LOT harder to  find.

Bad News--Bust Out E.T. Loser

How to know if you are dating an E.T.? 

1. You have never been married and have no kids
2. Your skin glows a light shade of green under black light
3. You wake up in the middle of the night, often at one hour intervals
4. You sometimes wake up feeling a deep connection to someone you dreamed about 
5. you sometimes feel pregnant when you know you aren't

 These COULD be your inlaws!But don't worry--star inlaws tend to give people their space.

What does this also mean? Yes, you most likely have MULTIPLE children on your true loves' planet!This is in part so that the children have dual-citizenship.

Mom?

WARNING:  The following photos MAY trigger memories that you may not be ready to deal with.

 If you have a strong reaction to any of these images, you are probably a CPS: Cross-Planetary Spouse.

(Hetero and Homosexual are not categories recognized by most other androgynous planets)

Lunchtime Rendevous

I really don't know what i did wrong!

Sweeps you off your feet

Looks at you with those intense eyes

So what do you tell friends and family? Just tell them you are in a long distance relationship with someone who travels a lot.

Your partner most likely has shapeshifting abilities, so can take human form when neccesary, but they tend to be shy around humans.

So check that 'in a relationship' box on Facebook and have a happily ever after!

Spooks Psychic Cafe Busted for Hiring Illegal Aliens!!

Spooks Psychic Cafe, in Havant, Hampshire, is embroiled in scandal once again.  

 

Spooks' owner, known only as Z, first made the news when the grammar police (the retired English teachers at the yarn shop) complained that their sign promoted bad grammar and reflected badly on the neighborhood.  

 

Lovely Cotton Brain created by the Havant Competitive Knitters Association

 

 

 

The elderly women at "The Knitpik" demanded the sign be written correctly for fear the spookers were promoting illiteracy. (I personally find it a bit hypocritical, given the misspelling of Knitpik, but that's neither here nor scare.) 

Z told reporters, "I will NOT be bullied into using an apostrophe. They indicate possessiveness, and we do not get involved in possession of any kind."   

 

 

But what DO they get involved in at this unusual cafe? 

 

https://sites.google.com/site/witchumum/home

 

Here is what their menu says:

 

  MENU

We first opened for business in XXXX and have been serving Havant ever since.

We offer many kinds of food, such as X, and larger dishes such as Y.

Why not stop by and give them a try?

The matter with the knitpikers resolved brilliantly once they tasted Spooks incredible HL Tea. They passed on the tarot and decided it was best not to inquire about the ingredients of HL Tea.  

Yet, Spooks faces a new problem. Z is being investigated for allegedly hiring illegal aliens. It is rumored, her very psychic workers, are undocumented greys who slipped through the BardoLand Border.  

Many visitors to the cafe were shocked to hear this as they couldn't believe they served food!

 

 It is rumored that this one-time patron met with untold misfortune after giving this 1 star review:

 

What Charlie didn't realize apparently, was that had he gone through the black velvet curtains in the back of the cafe marked "Our Food is to Die For!!," he would have been served a heaping helping of X or Y by Z!   

Only psychic people and/or victims of government mind control  are able to find the velvet curtain for some reason.  Others get scammed out of their pounds and have implants put in their heads without their knowledge.  

 

 

 The cafe has been accused of exploiting the grey aliens with long hours and low pay. Z provided evidence showing that she does NOT in fact PAY the big-eyed busboys,waitstaff, cooks, and surgical techs. 

 

 The illegals work on a volunteer basis in exchange for human implantation privileges.  Long hours are also not a problem as they require no sleep. 

 

   It appears that Spooks Psychic Cafe will once again dodge a bullet. Business has been better than ever since they introduced their Tea, Tarot, Time Travel, and Tamale special.