Oscar Meyer Markets New Bologna For Singles

Vegan version to be released soon: So Lonely Phoney Bologna

Online Dating Success Stories!

Sometimes you just have to put your foot down

Pure Hilarity! Best Comedian since Sinbad!!!!! Part 1, 2, & 3

Worst Fashion Ideas for a First Date

Can't ever get that second date? These are some style choices you might want to avoid:

The "Five Minute Full Disclosure Method", invented by Anne O'Connor, has not been successful.

This might appeal to a certain demographic, but probably not the one you want.

Attention grabber for sure, but wrong on a lot of levels.

Honesty is great, but you might want to wait to wear it until you are showing.

Hopefully this advice helps you get to that second date at the Walmart Subway.

OR

 if you aren't feeling your date, these might be the BEST choices for you.

Wanna Know What Love Is?

Does love elude you, but you are an expert on What Love ISN'T?  

Great! 

Enter the "I Know What Love Isn't" contest for a chance to win a trip to LA!

Submit YOUR PHOTOS, STORY, or VIDEOS that represent What Love Isn't to you  #whatloveisn't

The package includes a flyby of Foreigner 4 and Cheap Date and more!

A PERSONALIZED VIDEO MESSAGE FROM a bitter divorcee

+(2) unRESERVED TICKETS TO SEE LOS ANGELES ON AUGUST 30TH

+one way AIRFARE

+motel  ACCOMMODATIONS

+$20 CASH CARD 

+(2) EXCLUSIVE ITEMS

 #foreigner40 #entry

(or you could enter the lame What Love IS contest here:

http://www.foreignerwhatloveis.com)

Woman buys a $558.80 stamp!!

A woman allegedly bought a $558.80 stamp, to send a shipping container filled with her husband's shit 5 miles away!

She followed it up with an invoice and divorce papers.

Hottest New Comic since Sinbad!

Get Down and Dirty when you are Dating!!

Why waste time on other dating sites that match you based on compatibility? Why not cut to the chase with  

OH SO FAMOUS SHAME US DATE?

A very simple survey will allow you to state your absolute bottom line. We ask the question:

"If you were oh so famous and/or were running for political office, what dirt would come out about you?"

You might think, "Well, I really don't know."

No worries! When you subscribe to 

Oh So Famous Shame Us Date

 we will give you the celebrity treatment and uncover it all--with a scandalous spin!!

Our team of investigators will go back as far as grade school and find ANYTHING they could potentially sell to the tabloids (and they still might if it is really juicy).

Our simple survey allows members to rate their tolerance for various transgressions and are matched accordingly!

Here is a brief sample of our questionnaire:

     Please rate the following randomly extracted details of member profiles, on a scale of 1 - 5--
1 being  
"I might be desperate, but this shit is deal breaker" 

and 5 being 
"I have run out of options, this isn't that bad"

Stalked someone

Pushed a kid into the Tiger exhibit

Dealt drugs and didn't share profits

Believes in aliens

Made a sex tape with their dog

Ate monkey brains

Frequently craps their pants

have a child with no idea who the father is 

many women  claim their child is yours

dead beat Dad or Mom

Conspiracy Theorist (like pack for the bunker)

extreme couponer

severe untreated mental illness 

Laughed at people with disabilities

(in private OR public)

Mom comes first

ran with scissors, knives, guns

warrant out for their arrest

Lied on a resume

covered up a crime

left someone on scene

hoarder

Gold digger

prostitution

member of the KKK

pimping

Facial tattoos

Gained 100lbs in the past year

Bottom of the barrel and half way up members joining daily! No half full barrels here!

SIGN UP TODAY !

Go to: http://www.ohsofamousshameusdate.org

Dating Bad....

Looking for a BAD BOY a.k.a. Alpha Male to hunt you some wild boar?

 The more things change, the more they stay the same. 

Cave women and berry hunters, dominant men might be all wrong for you, but you just KNOW you can transform Mr. Wrong into Mr. Right right?

Grind away at that lump of coal and in a couple of decades you might have a cubic zirconia!!

At ECONmony, you can find your perfectly wrong match with the con-man of your bad dreams. 

After all, what is better than a bad boy? a REFORMED bad boy!!

You will have hours of fun changing him into the law abiding, supportive, teddy bear of a man  you know he is under all that mean, coldness, and selfishness!

Men like project cars, women like project men!

Meet your fears, disappointments, frustrations, dashed hopes and expectations at E CONmony!

Get started now. A brief 3 question survey is all we need to match you with someone completely inappropriate for you on all levels!!

Let the fun begin!!!

Looking for a Vegetable?

Are you looking for a partner that loves salad as much as you do? 

Finally a dating app that matches people based on salad science!  

Love is in the leaf!

The creators have proven that the secret to lasting relationships, is in the salad toppings! 

What are YOUR deal breakers--bacon bits? blue cheese dressing? croutons?

Don't be a lonely vegetable anymore-find another vegetable at Salad Match!!

http://saladmatch.com/

Just Salad created this genius app, so soon you should be able to find dating apps associated with every retail business

 i.e. McDMate, Raysdinerdate, PetCoCuties, WalgreensWinners, MichelinMatch 

Is it just me, or is this Just Salad promotion offensive? 

HAVE YOU MET MY CAT?

Single? Lonely? Not As Much As You Think!

Psychics have been asked for centuries, "When will I meet THE one?" Many psychics assure them that there is someone for everyone and that they will definately NOT be alone.

Months and months go by and they have not found anyone special.  

How do you tell them the truth?

By truth I do NOT mean that they are destined to be alone!!!

The TRUTH is that quite often someone who is 'single' is actually in a relationship with a being on another planet!!

Mr. & Mrs Right ? Travel through white light?

9 out of 10 times this is the case. Often these are very sacred relationships that may or may not involve actual marriage, depending on the laws of their home planet.

But Some people continue to be caught in the trap of picking the 'bad boys' or 'bad girls' , but the appeal is a LOT harder to  find.

Bad News--Bust Out E.T. Loser

How to know if you are dating an E.T.? 

1. You have never been married and have no kids
2. Your skin glows a light shade of green under black light
3. You wake up in the middle of the night, often at one hour intervals
4. You sometimes wake up feeling a deep connection to someone you dreamed about 
5. you sometimes feel pregnant when you know you aren't

 These COULD be your inlaws!But don't worry--star inlaws tend to give people their space.

What does this also mean? Yes, you most likely have MULTIPLE children on your true loves' planet!This is in part so that the children have dual-citizenship.

Mom?

WARNING:  The following photos MAY trigger memories that you may not be ready to deal with.

 If you have a strong reaction to any of these images, you are probably a CPS: Cross-Planetary Spouse.

(Hetero and Homosexual are not categories recognized by most other androgynous planets)

Lunchtime Rendevous

I really don't know what i did wrong!

Sweeps you off your feet

Looks at you with those intense eyes

So what do you tell friends and family? Just tell them you are in a long distance relationship with someone who travels a lot.

Your partner most likely has shapeshifting abilities, so can take human form when neccesary, but they tend to be shy around humans.

So check that 'in a relationship' box on Facebook and have a happily ever after!

The World According to a Nice-ish Guy (PART ONE)

Why do women (or those in relationships with men) spend hours trying to pry things out of men, when they are sure they already know what they are thinking? They like to TELL them what they are thinking, but if they don't KNOW, then I don't think the men should tell them. They SHOULD, however, tell ME because I asked nicely.

I spent a lot of time and money in my quest to find some self-identified "nice guys". I asked them to complete my in-depth questionnaire, and this (TWO PART) Article is the result.

I can not confirm the validity of their nice guy status except to post their thoughtful answers to my thoughtless questionnaire in a pure and uncensored fashion.

 I realized, however, that my survey was flawed.  Many men were not entirely comfortable with the 'nice guy' label (heretofore NG), so I am expanding it to be on a " Nice to Asshole" (their word not mine)Continuum.

 **Digression sparked by this need for the creation of continuums:

As the world shifts, people are becoming less tolerant of limiting labels.  95% of life exists in the grey area, yet society keeps insisting on duality; black/white, straight/gay, married/single, etc.  I say NO more 'check the box'-- we need gauges or graphs like this:

or this:

Homosexuality is STILL punishable by death in the majority of Muslim countries! As a result, many on the gender spectrum are opting for reassignment surgery so they can live without fear of being put to death.

Historically, other cultures have always recognized more than two genders.The people of Samoa have a third gender of people they call Fa'afafine. These are males raised as female. The Navajo believe in four different genders:

So, back to the subject: this is a copy of the questions I asked the nice-ish guys.

1. Do you believe nice guys finish last?
2. Do you think most men are pigs?
3. Do you resent or think most women like to date jerks?
4. Do you feel nice guys are taken advantage of?
5. Do you think it is better to be nice, or would you rather be a dick?
6. Would other people agree that you are a nice guy?
7. Would you rather be respected or liked?
8. Are you drawn to bitches and un-nice women?
9. Do you equate or think people take niceness for weakness?
10. Any other thoughts you would like to share (but please keep it brief) 
    
    Their shocking and candid answers are in PART TWO of this TWO PART series!