Looking for a Vegetable?

Are you looking for a partner that loves salad as much as you do? 

Finally a dating app that matches people based on salad science!  

Love is in the leaf!

The creators have proven that the secret to lasting relationships, is in the salad toppings! 

What are YOUR deal breakers--bacon bits? blue cheese dressing? croutons?

Don't be a lonely vegetable anymore-find another vegetable at Salad Match!!

http://saladmatch.com/

Just Salad created this genius app, so soon you should be able to find dating apps associated with every retail business

 i.e. McDMate, Raysdinerdate, PetCoCuties, WalgreensWinners, MichelinMatch 

Is it just me, or is this Just Salad promotion offensive? 

Ground Breaking Home improvement Superstore Opens!

This is a first! A store staffed COMPLETELY by homeless people!  It all began when Jeff O'Clairy, founder and CEO, was hailing a taxi on a crowded Manhattan street. A panhandler holding a sign caught his attention.

 The sign said, "Need money for drugs and alcohol." O'Clairy was so impressed with the honesty of that statement that he approached him and said he'd like to help him get on his feet.

After helping the drunk man to his feet, he paid for him to go to detox and said if he stayed sober for 30 days, he would find him a job.

Well, the man, Tim Olist, not only stayed sober, he  took a bath and burned his cardboard sign.

an excited Tim Olist, homeless, dirty, yet very alert

O'Clairy, a motivation speaker, took Tim under his wing.  He told Tim that he needed a vision for his life and showed him how to make a dream/ vision board.

 Tim eagerly clipped out magazine pictures that represented his goals.

Among those were to be ripped, have a job, a house, a bath, and a haircut. He also confided in O'Clairy that he had always dreamt of working in a home improvement store.

Tim said that even if he never had a home, he could at least be in a place where supplies for building and improving houses were sold.

Tim told O'Clairy his hope was to save enough to buy a modest shed.  He had tried living in a storage facility, but was kicked out after barbecuing squirrels indoors.

So the idea was born. O'Clairy was interviewed saying, "I thought, why not combine capitalism with social service? I decided a superstore staffed entirely with homeless people would a. help them get on their feet to walk to the liquor store and  b. allow for maximum profits through low wages.

Tim cleans up well and greets Hobo customers with his charming toothless smile!!

O'Clairy requires ALL applicants to PROVE they have NOT had a residence for at least 5 years, that they remain sober until the initial drug test,  have a good story of their descent into hard times, and allow their photo or likeness to be used for advertising purposes.

The other job perk is that there is (limited) employee housing. An attractive shed in front of the store is available to all employees on a first come first served basis.

Tim proudly recites the Hobo slogan, "You are ALWAYS welcome at Hobo Town! Where the only begging the homeless people will do, is beg to help you!"

Major Department Stores Implementing Surveillance Mannequins

Major retailers have created an army of 'surveillance' mannequins. They are calling them 'synthekins'.

 If you have ever felt like a mannequin's eyes were following you, you will not be off base anymore. They will be installed with roving cameras that scan the store like an oscillating fan.

 If they detect suspicious activity, an immediate alert will be sent to mall security who will swoop in with their billy clubs, intimidate, possibly brutalize, and question the potential thief. They consider this part of an anti-theft campaign of "Zero Tolerance for Suspicious Activity".

This is what is coming off the assembly line in a secret warehouse called SecurityBots, Inc.

They would not allow reporters from The Telepath Telegraph to photograph the heads, which are created separately, for fear of technology theft.

Rumor has it that the Synthekins DO have a vulnerability. It is possible to disable them with signal jamming equipment or by spraying any type of aerosol in their creepy eyes, but I don't think thieving any of these stores overpriced crap would be worth it.

If you would like to sign the petition to stop this infringement on our privacy, please contact the editors at the TT.  Let thieves be caught, or not, the old fashioned way!!