Homeless Man Creates Money Generator

A transient began stacking pennies, and inadvertently created a money generating device.

His panhandling pyramid became a powerful transmitter to manifest money!

Cheerio thought he was hallucinating when he saw thousands of dollars dropping from the sky, and vowed to go back on his meds.

 When he realized it was real, he spent the money on drugs and alcohol.

He donated the pennies to the Knights of Columbus for a Tootsie Roll and a pack of peanuts.

Woman buys a $558.80 stamp!!

A woman allegedly bought a $558.80 stamp, to send a shipping container filled with her husband's shit 5 miles away!

She followed it up with an invoice and divorce papers.

Try it--you'll like it!!! Get Paid 2 Master Ebates!!

Always wanted to make money MasterEbating, but don't want to spread your DNA?  Don't want your heart to leap every time someone knocks on the door that looks like you?

Here is your bio - fluid free alternative!  Buy shit you don't need and get cash back to buy MORE shit you don't need!!!

Sign up today!!!! Use that dominant hand to click here!!!

Master Ebates!!




(WOMEN:  you probably already do this because you handle the money as your male counterpart would spend it all on mounted moose heads and neon beer signs. The money earned can be his allowance!!)Master Ebates!!

Conversation Starters for the Socially Challenged

Do you freeze up and get fuddle-tongued when talking to the opposite sex?  Here are some sure fire ways to get a conversation going.

You ask, "Do you believe in unicorns?"
If they say 'yes' you say, "Me too! I saw one once."
If they say ' no ' you still say, "Me too! I saw one once."

Here is another conversation stimulator:

WARNING: contains sexual language and poor taste

You say, "Do you believe the man should pay or should they go Dutch?"
They say, "Yes, definately. "
You say, "Me too!"
If they say no you say, "I think if a woman pays for herself, she should agree to only suck half his dick."

If you have your eyes set on a trophy wife or husband, this script will get you to the finish line at Olympic speed:

You say, "Hi. I might be ugly, but I'm really rich and powerful."
They say, "I'm in."

You say, "Awesome,I have about 10 weddings and a class reunion coming up. You can be my plus one!"
They say, "Awesome, I love wedding chicken."

OR

You say, "Hi. I might be ugly, but I'm really rich and powerful."
They say, "No amount of money could make you appealing."

You say, "See you on the pole bitch." if female,

OR

 "Barbie called, she wants her Ken back--  dick"
if male

So for all you undateables out there, keep these gems in your wallet or purse.
 Practice until you sound natural.
Don't worry if you don't read the script verbatim.
Feel free to improvise.
Most importantly:   DON'T BE YOURSELF !!!!!!! YOU CAN DO THAT LATER ONCE YOU HOOK THEM~~~

More tips and tricks on the way soon!!!!

Fall Family Fun on a Budget!!

 https://youtu.be/vPJaASsKat8


Sometimes in life you have to MAKE your own fun!!!

Why you Want your Daughter to Marry a Pirate

 If your kids like clean-cut banker types, it's time to start 'stearing' them in a different direction. Why your daughter should marry a pirate instead? Here are the perks: 

1.  share hair ties and make up
2. Hygiene becomes irrelevant
3. Always a view of the water
4. they are bad boys, but good providers
5. Always be bejeweled in Gold and Silver
6.  they are adventurous
7. Acquire and live in multiple residences
8. become a  Pastafarian  and member of The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and eat all the carbs you want!  Find more info at:  http://www.venganza.org/
9. they love pets i.e. parrots and thieving monkeys
10. liquid assets
11. you can wear Cool Viking hats (Vikings were pirates)
12. Brave-- will sword fight, lose limbs, even eyes for you
13. Potential for space travel (there are space pirates who capture and pillage spaceships)
 14. protect you against sea ninjas ( they are arch enemies)
15. learn pirate speak (very popular at parties)

Pirate Lingo, Phrases

• Ahoy - A pirate greeting, or a shout to attract an attention. Something like "Hello!" or "Yo!".
• Arrr, Arrgh, Yarr, Gar - A common pirate terms, which are used in different situations.
• Avast - An order to stop and pay attention.
• Aye - "Yes"
• Aye aye - Conformation, taking order from the captain.
• Belay - Usually means to tie something down but pirates used it to prevent someone to do something.
• Booty – The treasures and other values plundered from the victim ships.
• Bucko - A friend.
• Davy Jones's Locker - A graveyard for people killed or drowned at the sea.
• Dead men tell no tales - Means that a dead man cannot reveal any secret or fact. It was the reason why the pirates didn't like to spare any survivors.
• I'll Crush Ye Barnacles - A common pirate's treat.
• Jolly Roger - The well-known pirate flags, usually represented with symbols of a skull and the crossbones. The most recognized symbol of the pirates.
• Lad - A younger person.
• Letters of Marquee - A document issued by a government, which allowed the privateers and the buccaneers to legally attack the ships and the colonies of an enemy nation.
• Maroon - To leave prisoners on island or desert coast.
• Matey - A companion, a close friend.
• Prize - A ship captured by pirates.
• Savvy - "Do you understand?"
• Sea Rover - A pirate, a pirate ship.
• Shiver me timbers - idiom for surprise, shock. Usually used when a ship is hit in combat.
• Smartly - To do something quickly.
• Sweet trade - Another term for the trade of piracy.
• Walk the plank - When someone is forced to walk on a plank, with hands tied behind. Plank is extended over the side of a ship, and victim is usually forced to jump to water and drown. Shown today as main pirates' amusement, although only a few real pirates practiced that.
• Weigh anchor - "let's go", "get ready to sail on".
• Yo-ho-ho - Salutation, expression of delight. 

 So smartly grab yourself a pirate and say Yo-ho-ho as your daughter walks down the plank and searches the sea for buried treasure so you can retire wealthy!! Best retirement plan ever!!!

The Movie, "Why you Want your Daughter to Marry A Pirate" is being released in the Fall. It is a documentary of my daughter and her exciting adventures and marriage to Fish Breath Pablo!

On the Set of "Why You Want Your Daughter to Marry a Pirate" waiting for the catering truck

Great New Diet Fad-Eat Like a Poor Person!!

What's hot in Hollywood? Pretending to be poor! The The Huffington Post­ explains that Celebrity Chef Mario Batali, has posed a challenge to many celebrities inspired by his work with the NYC Food Bank (#FoodbankNYCChallenge). Although it involves something edible, it is not the ice bucket challenge.

The lovely and willowy Gweneth Paltrow has decided to take him up on his challenge to live like a Food Stamp Star. To raise awareness to the issue of hunger, she will live for 7 days on $1.38 per meal. She posted a photo of what she purchased with her food stamp allotment. I wonder if she had to trade in her pride for a spot in line at the crusty food stamp office. And will she be wearing Goodwill clothes during this week?
She purchased a typical Whole Foods' shopper assortment of: limes, cilantro, corn, whole grain brown rice and eggs. While this is a noble idea, this sounds like more of a reality show challenge than a philanthropic effort. Unequal distribution of wealth in the richest country on earth is the reason hunger and poverty exist. Sports stars and celebrities' exorbitant income are part of the problem; our country has misplaced priorities.
Wouldn't Gwenyth be better off donating her money to the cause, rather than turning it into a cute publicity stunt? It makes a mockery of what is a very harsh reality for many people. If she were truly living this lifestyle, she would be buying cheap and filling food such as: pork & beans, peanut butter, and Ramen Noodles, which barely even qualify as a food substance. Certainly organic is out of the question.
No doubt on day 8, Gwenyth will be sipping expensive wine, eating foie gras and truffles, proud of herself for getting in touch with the little people. The 'poor people' are always the 'other'. No one ever thinks it could be them, yet everyone is potentially one paycheck away from the 'poorhouse'. Tragedy and unforeseen circumstances do not discriminate.
Next time you see one of 'those' people, just ask yourself, “What would Gwenyth do?” Go and get them some whole wheat brown rice and organic produce. Better yet-get them a big can of cracked wheat and let them grind it into flour to make their own bread. Sounds realistic, right? That would really stretch that $29 per person budget. And if they want to do the Ice Bucket Challenge, I believe ice IS covered by food stamps.

FOLLOW UP: In a NOT so surprising development, Gwenyth has FAILED the food stamp challenge. She made it about 4 days on what worked out to be 1,000 calories a day. She wrote this on her blog, GOOP,"I personally broke and had some chicken and fresh vegetables (and in full transparency, half a bag of black licorice)." She was also spotted at an $80 a plate barbeque restaurant. Do you think she had some week-old bread and gubbment cheese with that? More like $40 a pound Gorau Glas cheese-well beyond a food stamp budget.