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Showing posts with label pet owners. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pet owners. Show all posts

Saturday, May 20, 2017

World's Smartest Cat Discovered


"Brainy McBrainerstein" has set the World's Record for the cat with the highest IQ.

His proud owners attribute it to playing classical music while he was in utero, playing Baby Cat Einstein on a loop, and a pure vegan diet.



Brainy is able to solve complicated  problems and fill in the bubbles by dipping his tail in #2 ink, like his ancient ancestors.

The IQ test was minimally adapted:

"You are being chased by a dog running 5 miles an hour. 
You need to stop and lick your butt. How long will it take the dog to eat you?"

"Write an essay on something that makes you purr."







Brainy does his owners' taxes, predicts weather, trades stocks and bonds, writes cursive, calligraphy, and can pinpoint the catnip in  100 mile radius. 

He calculates everything based on  complex algorithms he developed with


Zuckerberg's cat. 

On a side note, "Little Fuckerberg"  had a facebook page that was reported (by an anonymouse source) and taken down for not having a verifiable name.



B McB  predicts human beings will be extinct by the year 3000,  by which he will have achieved immortality 9 times over.


Brainy McBrainerstein  in action!!!

He will be going live on instagram every Monday from 2 -3 feline time, and taking questions!!



Monday, February 8, 2016

Love Pets? Looking for a Job?

If you are looking to make a career change and have no tangible skills to speak of (i.e. you have a liberal arts degree), have always wanted to work with animals, and are otherwise unemployable (we don't ask questions), then we have a position for you!

Guaranteed Hire as this is a high turnover job--not everyone is cut out for this kind of exciting work!

If you live long enough to get your paycheck, you will be paid $50 per day. Anti-venom is provided.

WANTED:  Snake Walker

Job Description:  Walk pet snakes daily. Duties include taking snakes on outings such as  parks, hiking, biking, gun range, rabbit farms, Cub Scouts, pools, and fundamentalist churches. 

                                         

Snakes are a favorite at McDonald's Playplace, and are known to eat unruly irritating kids under 6.


Many clients  ask that their snakes be taken to museums and other educational and cultural events. Accommodations are usually made if you call your local transit authority, just threaten discrimination. 



START you exciting career today with the TOP Snake Walking Service in the Country.

Call or visit us at snakesitter.com