World's Smartest Cat Discovered

"Brainy McBrainerstein" has set the World's Record for the cat with the highest IQ.

His proud owners attribute it to playing classical music while he was in utero, playing Baby Cat Einstein on a loop, and a pure vegan diet.

Brainy is able to solve complicated  problems and fill in the bubbles by dipping his tail in #2 ink, like his ancient ancestors.

The IQ test was minimally adapted:

"You are being chased by a dog running 5 miles an hour. 

You need to stop and lick your butt. How long will it take the dog to eat you?"

"Write an essay on something that makes you purr."

Brainy does his owners' taxes, predicts weather, trades stocks and bonds, writes cursive, calligraphy, and can pinpoint the catnip in  100 mile radius. 

He calculates everything based on  complex algorithms he developed with

Zuckerberg's cat. 

On a side note, "Little Fuckerberg"  had a facebook page that was reported (by an anonymouse source) and taken down for not having a verifiable name.

B McB  predicts human beings will be extinct by the year 3000,  by which he will have achieved immortality 9 times over.

Brainy McBrainerstein  in action!!!

He will be going live on instagram every Monday from 2 -3 feline time, and taking questions!!

Solar Flares Creating Savants?

NASAW researchers have found a correlation between the high amount of solar flare activity and babies being born with 'idiot-savant' syndrome. Savan Patel, age 3, of Clavenburg, Iowa, takes issue with this term. She prefers the term Moro-Savant (short for Moron). "Idiot is such a pejorative word. For all you TRUE dummies out there, an idiot has the least intelligence on the IQ scale. This is equivalent to someone who is mentally challenged. An imbecile is not quite as dumb as an idiot and denotes MODERATE retardation. For those, like me with an IQ betwixt and between 51 and 70, we have the highest level of intelligence." Savan's special 'savant' qualifying gift, is her ability to recite every dumb move anyone has ever made, be it people she knows personally, or those of celebrities, world leaders, zoo animals, etc. This has not made her popular, but she has been approached by the government to be a political consultant when she turns 4. She hopes to be out of Pull-Ups by then. This impressive little moronic genius, is unable to crawl, drool, feed herself from a bottle, or operate a pacifier. The majority of children with Moro-Savant syndrome have musical, artistic, or photographic memory abilities. There have been other cases of 'acquired' Moro-Savant syndrome. To learn how to acquire this, please contact your local mental health facility.