Fast Food Giant Piloting "McBrains" in States that Rank Lowest for Literacy!

McDonalds sales have been steadily declining making some wonder if Ronald might be hanging up his clown shoes soon. In an effort to revive the company, they are offering McBrains for a limited time only in limited markets. Which markets? In states that consisently score low for literacy.

 It is believed that lack of protein could be the cause of poor reading skills in these areas. It is also a widespread belief that eating brains increases intelligence. No word on where they will be sourcing their brains, but since when do McD frequent fliers question where that tasty food comes from?

 The McBrain meal will include a McBrain sandwich (with or without cheese), special sauce, small fries and a soda. You can  choose if you want grey matter from the right or left hemisphere.

McD Execs joked, "You'll love it! But then, that was a no brainer."

Solar Flares Creating Savants?

NASAW researchers have found a correlation between the high amount of solar flare activity and babies being born with 'idiot-savant' syndrome. Savan Patel, age 3, of Clavenburg, Iowa, takes issue with this term. She prefers the term Moro-Savant (short for Moron). "Idiot is such a pejorative word. For all you TRUE dummies out there, an idiot has the least intelligence on the IQ scale. This is equivalent to someone who is mentally challenged. An imbecile is not quite as dumb as an idiot and denotes MODERATE retardation. For those, like me with an IQ betwixt and between 51 and 70, we have the highest level of intelligence." Savan's special 'savant' qualifying gift, is her ability to recite every dumb move anyone has ever made, be it people she knows personally, or those of celebrities, world leaders, zoo animals, etc. This has not made her popular, but she has been approached by the government to be a political consultant when she turns 4. She hopes to be out of Pull-Ups by then. This impressive little moronic genius, is unable to crawl, drool, feed herself from a bottle, or operate a pacifier. The majority of children with Moro-Savant syndrome have musical, artistic, or photographic memory abilities. There have been other cases of 'acquired' Moro-Savant syndrome. To learn how to acquire this, please contact your local mental health facility.