Radical Take-Over of Burger King!!!

Radical Feminists are mad as hell and aren't going to take-out anymore!!

In a move towards gender equality at eating establishments, the National Organization of Women, has  procured a deal with Pat, to be the official representative of a new franchise called "Burger Pat".

Denying conspiracy theorists accusations that Pat actually stands for Patriarchy, and that white males are the brains behind the take-over, the change comes after Burger King was sued for being sexist, homophobic, and xenophobic. 

The suit alleges that , mostly female, customers suffered emotional trauma after feeling the name King in Burger King, created a hostile eating environment. 

Many women came forward to say the creepy King made them feel dirty and oppressed.

 Others believed the king was spying on them in the binary restrooms, as they witnessed his eyes following them from a picture on the wall.

Now, customers can enjoy the Whopper Pat and Whopper Pat Jr, in a  gender neutral and all inclusive 'safe zoned' , as the sign reads, junk food emporium. 

But don't worry, Burger Pats  will continue to serve the same delicious meat-neutral, meat-ambiguous burgers.

The best and most progressive move? They offer genderless bathrooms that  simply have a picture of pat on them.  A picture is worth a thousand words.

Bathrooms are for customer use only, but you can get a large order of fries for the price of a Sacagawea dollar.

Move over Burger King, there isn't a new queen in town, there's Pat.  

Pat isn't gender neutral, Pat is gender free--just like Burger Pats' coffee is on the first Nomanday of every lunar month!

Fast Food Giant Piloting "McBrains" in States that Rank Lowest for Literacy!

McDonalds sales have been steadily declining making some wonder if Ronald might be hanging up his clown shoes soon. In an effort to revive the company, they are offering McBrains for a limited time only in limited markets. Which markets? In states that consisently score low for literacy.

 It is believed that lack of protein could be the cause of poor reading skills in these areas. It is also a widespread belief that eating brains increases intelligence. No word on where they will be sourcing their brains, but since when do McD frequent fliers question where that tasty food comes from?

 The McBrain meal will include a McBrain sandwich (with or without cheese), special sauce, small fries and a soda. You can  choose if you want grey matter from the right or left hemisphere.

McD Execs joked, "You'll love it! But then, that was a no brainer."