In the South, fortune cookies tell it like it is

New Word Hits Dictionary!!

Scientists struggled to come up with a name for the observed geological phenomenon of lava meeting the ocean.

After holding a contest in which the winner gets a 5 lb bag of lava rocks and a certificate, they struggled to narrow it down to these top 10 submissions:

1.  LICE  (Top Contender) --as in Lava plus icy ocean --
or LICEY  -sounds cute and has cartoon animation potential
2.  Burn in Hello
3. MoltenWave
4. Mr. HotCold
5. Trump's Anus
6. Firewater
6. Brimstone
6. Hellfire
7. WetBlanket
8. FireSurf
9. LavaSpa
10. Killwave

The committee had to be unanimous and were a vote away from making Phil Trapp III the winner with his "Lice" contest entry. 

The holdout convinced them that too much explanation was required and they didn't want anyone confusing the  U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration with the CDC.

So, they finally chose a winner. The official name for lava meeting ocean is???

JEROME!!!!

It was named after the wonderful man who brought them coffee and moist towelettes until 3am.

Congrats Jerome! You are now a force of nature!!

They even gave him a $25 gift card to Ace Hardware in lieu of the lava rocks he declined. 

The fame from his win gave him the courage to run for Janitor of the Year!!!

Vote for Jerome!!

(text "moist towelette" to 89779")

Most inspirational video eva!!!!!

Very passionate speaker!!!  Does it even matter what he is saying?

Transcription:

keep up OIL your winnings
and wrist them in a turd
of pigeons talk and losers
started getting YOUR beginnings
and never even breathe a word
about your loft if you could talk with
crowds and keep your virtue
or walk with kings but lose
the common touch ikipa
all those loving friends
can hurt you if all they
cop with you but none too much
if you can feel the unforgiving mitty
with sixty seconds worth that this is run
 YOURS is the earth
And EVERYTHING that's in it
and which is bored you'll be a man
my son