Go No Phone or Go Home!!!!

http://www.thenophone.com/

Are Your Favorite Childhood Toys Now "Vintage"?

See how these kids reacted to seeing one for the first time

(and see how quickly they ask for their phones back)

Stumped for Christmas Gift Ideas?

Here are just a few of the best gift ideas for 2015.  But FIRST, lets start with the  gifts you should avoid.

Yes, it's the thought that counts, but sometimes it is the thoughtlessness that  is obvious when a generic gift is given.

TAKE IT BACK if you bought:

1. a coffee cup--I don't care how funny you think the slogan is, this is a lame gift
2. a candle
3. Rando bath and body products
4. Box O Chocolates
5. $10 Gift Card to a store that has nothing under $25--thanks for the present, but you now cost me!
6. Dress Socks
7. perfume samples from a magazine
8. golf tees
9. a photo calendar of you and your arrogant ugly family--seriously, cuter than kittens? I don't think so
10. Any shit from Starbucks

Gifting Don't!

So you are at the mall, hoping it isn't one targeted by terrorists, wondering--what the hell should I get that person that I don't give a damn about? Why am I risking my life for someone who talks about themself in third-person?Why?  Because we don't want to look like dicks.

So what DO you give?  Try some of these great suggestions! These are great for grab bags and Secret Santas too!

1.  Try some fur sunglasses! Self-explanatory--these are sway

 an option for those who want a more masculine fur style:

2. Limited Edition  CD by The Naughty List Bitches (also available in 8track and cassette)

3.  Knitted Shorts--these aren't your grandma's knitted christmas gifts! (unless your grandma is super cool)

4.  Gift Card to a Local Laundromat

One-Month Laundry Gift Card ($175)

Special Discount Gift Certificates

  

• Covers One (1) Month worth of Hassle Free Laundry: Biweekly Service.
• Ideal Gift for Students, Elderly Parents, Busy Wives, Loved Ones, and and Busy Professionals.
• Covers Two Free Laundry Service Pick Ups + Two Free Deliveries in One Month.
• Each Gift Card entitles the purchaser to fill One 24" X 36" Laundry Bag full of Laundry Items.
• Weight not exceeding 25 pounds per Service PickUp & Delivery.
• Additional Weight will be computed at $1.95 per pound.
• Cannot be combined with other promotions.
• Purchaser has read and agrees to the Terms of Service. 

5. Camel Toe Tattoo
   

6.  Chocolate Sharks

Chocolate Cookies Cups (they can get their own milk)

7.

  

8. A solar bra that can power your ipod. Support the environment and your breasts at the same time!

  

The bras also come equipped with plastic pouches that can be filled with water, or possibly egg nog

If you don't want to spend ANY money, do what I do--I give gifts in jars like this:

I like this one because I can take old Halloween candy and whatever else i have laying around, tie some string around it, put a cute little phrase or note on it, and I'm done.  Such as, a mason jar of jello that says, "Santa's Belly" or a cake recipe with ingredients that says "It's snowflaky!"

 You don't even have to put in actual food ingredients. One year I used sand and no one noticed because they never used it.  NOT My Problem!!

I hope you have found this helpful!  Have any tips? Send in your Christmas life hacks to TTT!

Extreme Keyboarding tobeconsideredanOlympicsport

People of Earth-- The World Will Be Going Offline

The World Will Be Going Offline Today From 12pm -1pm. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. 

Earth Guardians will be recalibrating the axis and tweeking the magnetic poles. Heavy downloading of the revolution by insurgents has created an imbalance.

Earth WILL be back online at 1pm, so please do not panic and call your service provider.

 I GUARANTEE you will be on hold longer than it takes to do this complete earth overhaul. 

This might be a good time to reacquaint yourself with the sun, family, friends, and anyone affected by your obsessive dependence on technology.

Others who know the risks of this scheduled earth maintenance, please retreat to your pods (sponsored by Tide)

Welcome to the Faux Future!! How to Clone Yourself

We are All Just Virtual Clones of Ourselves 

 (originally published at thenosemilk.com by Diane Keys /artwork by Louis Santarin)

The internet is an amazing invention. It has promoted freedom of expression in large part because of the anonymity it affords. The computer screen is much like the “fourth wall” in theater. The fourth wall is the imaginary one at the front of the stage that creates a boundary between the performers and the audience.

We have all heard of performers who are terrifically shy people, yet they come to life on stage. This is because when they look out into the darkened theater, the audience is not visible. Anonymity makes people bold.

Mostly developed for use in news groups that discuss volatile topics, anonymous posting services didn’t start until around 1988. We live in a largely conservative society and much of what we think is held back due to social constraints. This is even more true now that the world has become hyper-sensitively-absurdly, politically correct.

Anonymity has allowed for much more honest communication. To me, it is similar to the question, “What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t get caught?” Instead it is, “What would you say if you knew the person couldn’t respond back?” We know our internet activities are never completely untraceable, but we can maintain that illusion.

But with this freedom of expression, also comes greater ability for deception. We can be anyone we want online. We can feed people the information we want them to have. We can re-invent ourselves, maintain multiple identities, or pose as celebrities, all in an effort to create better or worse versions, or clones, of ourselves.

All of these personas are still parts of us, but like photocopies, quality degrades when copied from an original. Stolen identity is a big problem motivated by greed, but it seems to me that people are all too eager to SURRENDER their identities in lieu of more appealing or empowering ones. Sounds good to me.

So how DO you clone yourself? Welcome to the faux future. Here are some cloning tools to help you create the artificial life of your dreams without leaving your computer:
1. Grab an identity at one of many identity generating sites. I went to one and this is what it gave me. Within a matter of minutes it generated an entire identity for me, complete with name, address, email, occupation, even blood type!

1. Get a job writing fake reviews. They are all over Craigslist.
2. Get a fake transcript, ID, diploma, credentials
3. Create fake profiles
4. If your loneliness becomes all too real, cure it with a fake pet!

5. If that doesn’t work, get a fake girlfriend at fakeinternetgirlfriend.com According to their website, for just 250 REAL dollars, you can sign up for their basic girlfriend package (you can upgrade for a Gamer Girlfriend, but that costs more).

This service will create a profile for your fake girlfriend to publicly communicate with you via social media. They say she will make two public phone calls a month, in which messages will be left with a REAL person in your life or on voice mail. You will also receive 10 friendly texts a month at any given date and time you specify. Think of it as a fake escort service without the sex.

Jinsoo An of Kokiri Lab, has invented a virtual reality headset that uses low calorie jelly-like foods, and aroma diffusion to mimic foods. The smell of the food convinces the brain that you are eating the real thing such as steak, lasagna, pie, sushi, etc.

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Fake is the way to go in a world that would rather people pursue fantasies than deal with reality. The reality is, people don't need all the millions of products they try to sell us. The reality is that the endless pursuit of fame, wealth, youth, and beauty is not the path to happiness. If this was the case, all the rich and famous would be case studies in how to achieve nirvana.  Reality can be harsh. Fantasy allows people to create a world that is less rough around the edges, more palatable, and certainly more fun. Fun until you realize that it is all fake.

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Excellent Expose from our affiliates at Medium!

Although they will not openly admit to this affiliation, for reasons of natural insecurity, we feel it is important to support our robot friends. You can't make sweeping judgments about any group of people and robots are no different; some wear white metal hats, and others black metal hats. Some of my best friends are robots. Robots are helpful, logical, and mostly predictable. Sure they can be super boring, but unlike people, they have an off switch.
Apparently, discrimination against robots is America's rusty little secret. Can you tell which one is the REAL robot? The answer may surprise you.
In an excerpt (or epcert as some people say) from their groundbreaking article, "Rejected by Amazon Studios" at medium.com, they dared say this, "Everyone wants to talk about race at Starbucks, or women in tech, but no one wants to face the awful open selective discrimination against robots in the workplace."
READ THE FULL STORY HERE: https://medium.com/@earlyclues/rejected-by-amazon-studios-2047502f6582
You'll be glad you did, although I couldn't stop being distracted by an article at the bottom of the page, "Plastics, tiny penises and human evolution." These are three things you NEVER want to see together in one sentence.

Captchas! Ranked #1 Stressor Among Computer Users

If you've ever tried to prove you are not a robot, you probably know how difficult it can be. Well, now you can add your very own to your site (captcha.net)and Captcha! your visitors' sanity.

The inability to make out the warped text boxes, has led many people to rush to their eye doctors for help. Others have acquired serious self doubt, paranoia, and a solid case of automatonophobia. Also known as the Frankenstein Complex, automatonophobia is the fear of mechanical men. To further complicate matters, conspiracy theorists and undisclosed sources inside my head, believe the highly sadistic robot detection system is actually RUN by robots. Draw your own conclusions, but next time you get Captcha!ed, you might want to ask yourself if you feel dirty afterwards. If yes, you are definately human and your mind has been violated. If no, then here are some warning signs that you might not be a 100% organic human; metallic taste in your mouth, monotone speech, lack of a sense of humor, highly literal (such as concluding brocoli and broccoli must be two separate things), and an inability to detect sarcasm and irony. Read more about the Frankestein Complex in this fascinating book: Shuntaro, OnoFrankenstein Complex:what can change someone into a monster(Seisoushobou, 2009) 小野俊太郎『フランケンシュタイン・コンプレックス』（青草書房 2009年）