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Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Pumpkin Man Imposter in Chicago!!

Someone posing as the viral sensation known as #dancingpumpkinman  danced his way into the arms of the security guard as he kicked him out of the local library.

This didn't stop him. He was determined to follow in his mentor's absurd footsteps.

When asked by the homeless man he performed for what he was doing, he gave a nod to his pumpkin mentor, "To spread the love of dance."

Love him. Hate him. Call the video "Cancerous content" or not, this guy has balls the size of pumpkins and anyone that doesn't appreciate that should not go to the library next year.

The original dancing pumpkin ( )has not commented on his Chicago Disciple, but I bet behind his pumpkin head he is smiling and cringing just a little.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Always Source your Facebook Posts!

It is very important to back up your status updates with data, statistics, facts, sources, references, and supporting evidence.

American Psychological Association (APA):
fuck you. (n.d.). The Dictionary of American Slang. Retrieved July 27, 2017 from website
Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
fuck you. The Dictionary of American Slang (accessed: July 27, 2017).
Modern Language Association (MLA):
"fuck you". The Dictionary of American Slang. 27 Jul. 2017. <>.
Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE): "fuck you," in The Dictionary of American Slang. Source location: Available: Accessed: July 27, 2017.
BibTeX Bibliography Style (BibTeX)
@article {Dictionary.com2017,
    title = {The Dictionary of American Slang},
    month = {Jul},
    day = {27},
    year = {2017},
    url = {},

Monday, July 24, 2017

Racist Rant!

This is a dramatic reading 
of a racist rant of a
14 year old
teen we are calling 
"Fuck 12"
"Fuck all races"

*The opinions expressed are not 
those of #TheTelepathTelegraph, 
nor do we condone them;
however in the spirit of full disclosure,
we do find Fuck 12 amusing. 

Saturday, May 20, 2017

World's Smartest Cat Discovered

"Brainy McBrainerstein" has set the World's Record for the cat with the highest IQ.

His proud owners attribute it to playing classical music while he was in utero, playing Baby Cat Einstein on a loop, and a pure vegan diet.

Brainy is able to solve complicated  problems and fill in the bubbles by dipping his tail in #2 ink, like his ancient ancestors.

The IQ test was minimally adapted:

"You are being chased by a dog running 5 miles an hour. 
You need to stop and lick your butt. How long will it take the dog to eat you?"

"Write an essay on something that makes you purr."

Brainy does his owners' taxes, predicts weather, trades stocks and bonds, writes cursive, calligraphy, and can pinpoint the catnip in  100 mile radius. 

He calculates everything based on  complex algorithms he developed with

Zuckerberg's cat. 

On a side note, "Little Fuckerberg"  had a facebook page that was reported (by an anonymouse source) and taken down for not having a verifiable name.

B McB  predicts human beings will be extinct by the year 3000,  by which he will have achieved immortality 9 times over.

Brainy McBrainerstein  in action!!!

He will be going live on instagram every Monday from 2 -3 feline time, and taking questions!!

Get the Big Black Weiner while supplies last!

Monday, May 8, 2017

Get Mom a Gift she Will LOVE

Wondering what to give Mom for Mother's Day? 

This depression area photo  has been made into a glorious 1000 piece puzzle.

Puzzles of depressed people are really big right now. 

What better way to make Mom feel good about her life, 
than seeing someone else who had  it worse?

In her leisure time, Mom can painstakingly put together this picture of a migrant woman who worked herself to the bone.

Set up the card table for her, and Mom might not  regret having you, if only for a moment.

Stay tuned for info on the NEXT big thing in time wasters-- murderabilia puzzles!